Well it has been awhile, but I thought today would be a great day to blog. It was exactly a year ago today that I thought I had stage 1 ovarian cancer and went in for my surgery to remove the tumor, among other things. After surgery, it was revealed to me that I actually had stage 3c ovarian cancer and would most likely have to undergo chemotherapy treatment. The next few months would be some of the most challenging months of my life. If you would have told me that it would be during those times that I would truly realize God's calling on my life, I would have said that you were crazy. How could God take me down a path of suffering and reveal a path that would be pleasing and allow me to show His love to others through this experience? With that said, looking back I have had one of the best/worst years of my life. Best in the way that I have truly felt God a part of every decision of my life. My priorities in life have been re-evaluated. My family and I have gone through something that most families don't go through, which has in-turn made us stronger and more open. God has showed me the purpose for my life. I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason and I am so glad that God brought this storm to my life. The storm may not be over, but I have found peace in knowing that God is there always. Now moving forward, I am so excited to say that this year will be filled with many opportunities to pay it forward. To turn the worst season of my life into something positive. If you do not know already I started a non profit organization that offers hope and help to chemotherapy patients and their families, and I just published a planner for chemotherapy patients to help keep them organized through their journey. God has truly blessed me and I am so humbled and blessed to be able to be used in this way.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
This verse is so true and I love that I can see it and live it everyday. It is so nice to know that I have a God on my side that knows everything about me, and every direction that I will be going good or bad. I knew from the beginning of my cancer journey that God had a plan for me. He had a plan to use this miserable season in my life. I tried to hold on to that as a source of strength and continued hope to get me through. And that is exactly what happened. So through this whole process I have been praying and I have also been asking for people to pray for me. For me to see what it is that God has for me, what does God want to do with this season in my life, and how can I help others. Well I am happy to say that I have that direction, It is still a work in progress (it will all be a work in progress) and I know that God is going to show me more ways to make this idea work, but I have to get it started. Get it out there for others who are about to go through there own journey. So here is the idea! Check it out at www.thechemocrew.com. I am hoping that through this website and being able to meet with people, I can share with them the tools that made my journey as bearable as possible. Basically I want to help others get through there chemo journey. Whether it be with information or actually providing them with that team(Chemo Crew). Again, I was so blessed to have such a huge support system helping me through my journey. Not everyone is as fortunate as I was. I want to be that support for others and hopefully be able to show them God's love through the whole process.
So as I start this next journey and begin to piece the puzzle together, I would ask for prayer to help me keep God as the #1 focus. I want God to get all the glory for everything this organization does. Over the next several months, I will be submitting all of the paperwork to start a non profit organization. So please pray that things go smoothly and there are no hickups along the way.
In the meantime, while I am getting everything put together to be able to start taking donations, If you know someone who is going to start the chemo process or is caring for someone who is going through chemo, direct them to my website. I hope that it would be a source of encouragement and maybe offer them some tips on how to deal with some of the challenges that they will face. Let me know what you think too about the site. I will be adding alot more information over the next few weeks, so check back and see what is new!
A condition or period in which something is remitted.
A lessening of intensity or degree; abatement.
Medicine Abatement or subsiding of the symptoms of a disease.
The period during which the symptoms of a disease abate or subside.
Release, as from a debt, penalty, or obligation.
Forgiveness; pardon.
As I was sitting in the Dr. office last Thursday anxiously waiting to hear that word, it got me thinking about what that word really meant. Yes, I was so glad to hear him say your cancer is now in remission, but what changed? Nothing really changed. I still have the possibility of the cancer coming back, I still have the thoughts of what the cancer did to my body. And ny hair still has not grown back. There are lots of things that make it very hard for me to really wrap my head around that word "remission." It can't change my thoughts, my appearance, or the future, but it carries so much weight. It is almost like everything should change after that word was spoken about my cancer. Yes, it is the word I want to hear, but it does not mean that the cancer will not come back. The more I think about this word it makes me think about my spiritual life. When I sin or am going through a tough time in my life, all I want is to be in remission, free from that sin and on with my life. I believe that God wants us all to be in remission, released from the sins of the world and forgiven.
So I say this because yeah my cancer is in remission, but I am excited because I have learned that I want to be in remission in every area of my life. It is a daily thing that I will ask for because I am a sinner and we live in a world of temptations and lies. I hold on to the hope that God wants to forgive me and take my thoughts, fears, and sins from me and put me in remission. And know that it is that simple. All we have to do is ask and He will forgive us and give us that hope.
Matthew 7:7-8 7“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
I was so blessed Friday to be able to attend the Flourish conference at Big Valley Church last Friday night. Over the past 8 months I don't think I have ever been so sure of the fact that God has been with me and protecting me. He has definitely led me through this time and I pray that everyone that I have come in contact with has seen my dependance on God throughout this whole journey. I would truly be lost without Him. I have recently had this fire lit under me about what can I do, how can I reach others who have traveled down a similar path and don't have God on their side. I want to be a light, I want to reach out and just be God's love to them.
Friday night kinda just gave me that final piece to the puzzle of what I could be doing with my story. I have been so focused on what "I" want to do, how "I" can help and make a difference in the chemo world, that I have lost sight of the bigger picture. Our stories, the things and directions we go are not meant for only one purpose. God did not only come for those who get cancer or go through chemo, God came for everyone. He died and sacrificed His son for us that we might be forgiven and be a light to everyone we come in contact with. So why should I put God in a box? Only limit him to using my story for one purpose? I want to tell the world what God has done in my life. I want to tell the world that I am a sinner, I screw up everyday, I doubt, I fear, I don't make the right choices, but I do know that I am forgiven, I am loved, I have hope, and I am saved because God sent his son to die on the cross for my sins. That is my story, that is my choice. Everything else comes from the world. I don't want to say I "shoulda" told more family and friends about Christ. Or I "woulda" invited them to church, but I was scared of what they thought. Or I "coulda" shared my story and showed love to them, but I did not think I was anything special. We are all special and deserving of everything God has for us, nothing we have done or will do can separate us from His love. It is the sin of this world that separates us. If we can accept that and not be afraid of what the world is going to say and try our best to seek God in everything we do, He will forgive us when we sin and mess up. He will help us when we are weak. All we have to do is say yes Lord. Yes to giving him our burdens, fears, loneliness, our doubts, and everything else that comes with worldly things. I have been a believer basically my whole life, I have had many bumps along the way, I can tell you the who, what, and why's to lead someone to Christ, but on Friday night for the first time, the salvation message was put in a way that gave me confidence to share it with others. Because one of my biggest fears is that someone would ask me and I would not know where to start, or how to guide someone through the steps of accepting Christ through the Bible. Now that I know this, I have no excuse why I can't share with everyone.
So I want to share with everyone the tool that I have just recently learned. It is called the Romans Road, I suggest that everyone read these scriptures, they are so refreshing and just a reminder of what God has done for us and how much he loves us. And I encourage you to share with others as well because we have no excuse. I don't want God to tell me when I walk up to heaven, sorry Bridgette, if only you shoulda, then you coulda, and then I woulda.
These are the scriptures for Romans Road:
Romans 1:19-20
19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
Romans 3:23
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Romans 5:8
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10:9-11
9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. 11 As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”[a
Romans 12:1-3
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
God is good and loves us even when we sin, we should not punish ourselves for this since God has given his son to forgive us and take these burdens from us so that we can live free and with hope that God is in control and we don't have to live in this crazy world alone.
Well, I had my last doctors appointment to officially say that I am done with Chemo...yeah! I am so excited and scared at the same time. Excited because I have completed that season in my life. No more wondering how my body is going to react, will I throw up today?, am I going to have enough energy to get through the day? All of those physical side effects are done. Scared because now the hard part begins. Now I have to deal with the fears of did I do enough, will the cancer come back?, If it does, will it be surgically treatable or would I have to possibly do more chemo. All of the questions I am scared about not because of what might happen because I know God is with me, but the fear that Satan will use these fears to bring me down. I am truly at peace with where I am at and all of the decisions I have made thus far, but with that said doubt can come and creep in and distract me and take away my joy. So over the next 5 years of doctors visits, I pray that my focus will remain on God and his desires to use me through this difficult season.
This past week in service it was like God was speaking just to me, I need to keep him first in every area of my life and He will help me and lead me where he wants me to go. I just want to shout from the roof tops of how thankful I am to God for being with me, protecting me, and loving me enough to know how much I can handle. He is truly why I live today and I want everyone to know it!! Let me leave you with these verses!
1 Peter 4:10-12 " Each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."
I have been given the gift of going through Chemo, now I want to help others going through the same season, and God is opening up doors and showing me how he wants to use me. What a blessing I have been given. Thank you for everyone who has blessed me and my family through this storm, my prayer is that God will bless you today where you are at because of your faithfulness in doing good works.
Love you all,
Bridgette Eilers
ps...more to come later about the doors God is opening!
Well as most of you know, I am a very picky person when It comes to the foods that I eat. It is not so much the taste, but the texture and smell of foods that I really don't like. Well through my Chemo journey, I have been told that I need to incorporate more water, fruits and veggies into my diet. So I have been thinking long and hard about trying to do that. Until the other day a friend sent me a message and attached a video about how eating better can help keep cancer away. This article is probably exactly what I needed to hear to help me stop thinking about it and actually act on it and try to eat more fruit and veggies. So my reason for blogging about this is cause I need help. How in the world am I going to eat more veggies, if they stink and have funky tasting textures. If you have any amazing reciepes or ways that I can hide veggies in a meal please tell me. I feel I need to go down this road even if it is hard, it needs to be done and I need help.
Hello all, sorry it has been so long since I have last posted. Life has been pretty busy with the last chemo treatment, a well needed relaxing vacation, and the kids starting school. But now I am finally settling back down into a routine, so the blogs will definitely be more often. So with that said, here is how things have been going.
Since my last post, I have gone through one more treatment. Which because of how my body reacted to my 4th treatment, it was really hard to do. But after talking to the doctor, he was able to change the amount of chemo to 85% which has made a huge difference. I was unprepared however for the fact that I needed to get a blood transfusion. I could write a whole blog on just that experience by itself, but lets just say, I hope to never need another one, cause it kind of feels like an alien was put inside of me. I am glad that I had it because I think it is the main reason why I am doing so well with the side effects this time around. Since treatment, Gregg and the kids have started school and I have gone back to semi normal activities, just maybe with a few extra yawns throughout the day.
So now the question is where do I go from here? Well technically I have one more round of chemo scheduled. But I have decided that I am not going to do it. I am completely at peace with my decision to stop treatment. I am ready to move on and see how God is going to use me through my chemo journey. I have met so many people who are going through chemo, been through chemo, or know someone who has. My journey of 5 treatments is a cake walk compared to so many other people's stories and God has laid it on my heart to reach out to those who are going through chemo. The one thing that I have learned through hearing the stories and meeting people who have gone through chemo is that everyone is different. Some people have amazing support systems (like myself) and others are doing everything alone. And trust me, if I went through this alone I would be lost. I have no idea what the next step looks like, but I want to help those who are going through chemo. Almost like you hire someone to redecorate your house. I can help them set up meals, house cleaning, child care, support groups, etc. Even help family members because it can be so overwhelming at times for everyone involved to know where to start. You or your loved one just got diagnosed with cancer and they have to do chemo, now what?? So I tell you all this so that you can be praying for me. My prayer is that God leads me into the right direction. I don't want this to be about me helping others, I want it to be God using me to help others how he wants me to. So for now, my chemo journey is done, but I will continue to seek God for his wisdom and guidance.
Bridgette
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Hello everyone, just wanted to give everyone a quick update on evereything that has gone on since my last post. I ended up doing treatment, which I am glad I did. When I went to the doctors he put chemo in a whole new light. Which was exactly what I was praying for. So I went in tuesday the 12th and was hoping that I would respond the same way I did to the last cycle. Well we are now a little over a week after treatment, and I am still not 100%. I had to go in last friday cause I was not well at all. They gave me iv drugs, which are much better then pills and some fluids cause I was dehiderated. All around this time has been more difficult then I imagined. With that said I am questioning a lot. My prayer is that until my next doctors appointment I truly seek him and continue to follow the plan that he has for me. In other words, if anyone sees an airplane with a banner that says Bridgette this is what you should do, please call me. Chemo brain is definetly affecting me this time. Please pray for guidance and wisdom.
Love you all
James 1:2-5
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
I am so happy that I changed my chemo plan. Not only has it been better physically, it has also been so much better mentally. I have had very minimal physical side affects, which has allowed me to do fun things with my family. We have gone to the beach, Gilroy Gardens, and the Giants game. Things that if I had stayed on the original plan I would not have been able to do. And mentally this might sound weird, but I got my brain back. It is very hard to communicate what chemo brain is unless you have experienced it. Over the weekend, I had the opposite of a brain fart. I had a brain burst, I was back to my normal ways of thinking, which had all of my OCD tendencies and I immediately wanted to start evaluating what has been going on for the last few months. I thought about the beginning and when they said we would just monitor you, it would probably just be a surgically treatable cancer to a week later saying no, you need to do chemo. I believe that God has been there with me the whole time helping me decide what direction to go and who to listen to. This weekend, I have been really thinking about how much more of this season I need to go through. I am questioning whether the side effects are worth going through and possibly be permanent when there is no guarantee that chemo is going to prevent my cancer from coming back. When Dr. Skilling performed the surgery he got everything and chemo for me was peace of mind that any microscopic thing left behind would be removed. So I am feeling pretty confident that I have gotten my peace of mind. Obviously I want to talk to the doctors before I make a decision, but I do know that God has brought me to this point and I just want to listen to His voice and have faith that He has healed me. I am ready to start a new season and want to be used to help others that are going through the same seasons I have. I feel God was speaking to me this weekend at church when pastor made this statement.
"God intends to bless the world with hope and kingdom life but to do that he uses people, people who receive the blessing of participating not only because of their own experience with suffering but also because of their willingness to suffer even more for the sake of bringing this blessing into being."
- Jon Tacoma
So the question is how much more suffering does God want me to experience in order to be the blessing that He has called me to be? This song has also been something that has spoken to me too. My cousin sang it in church and my Aunt Sharon played it for me awhile ago, but I heard it recently on the radio and it was so what I needed to hear. Thanks again for everyone's encouraging words and prayers.
Every morning this week when I wake up, the first thoughts that go through my head are: do I feel like I am going to throw up, does my body ache anywhere, do I have metal mouth, and do I have enough energy to get out of bed? And I am happy to say that the answer is no to all of them except the last one. Don't get me wrong, I am not 100%, but compared to last time, I am 100%. I am so thankful that I am feeling this way. I again give God all the credit, He is walking with me and helping me when I need Him the most. I know I am not out of the woods yet, over the weekend is when I should be at my worst, but I still don't think it will be anywhere near last time's worst. Thank you so much for all of your prayers.
Well the last week has been a great one, I am back to 100% and have had a great week. This weekend I was able to go to Julieanna's recital and enjoy a BBQ at the Sharps house and today has been a nice relaxing day enjoying celebrating the best dad ever. Gregg is an amazing man and the best dad a kid could ask for! This weekend has definitely helped give me a little bit of steam to get me through my next treatment.
So the plan is to start me on an IV only chemo. Which means instead of going in on day 1, day 2, and day 8 I will only go in on day 1. Which in my mind is amazing because then the side effects will only hit me once instead of twice. And the type of chemo is supposed to have less side effects. So I am pretty happy with the new game plan and I am just gonna take it one treatment at a time. I have committed to doing 3 treatments, so If I tolerate this new drug well then I will do another treatment, but if not then I will be done. My prayer for this next treatment is that I am able to manage my side effects better. Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. I love you all!!!
Bridgette
Psalms 30:2 " O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me."
When someone tells you something is going to be hard and suck, listen to them...they really mean it. Normally when someone tells me that, I think yeah, but for me, I can handle it, I am strong. Things are not hard for me, even when they are, I can turn it into something positive or be optimistic about it, but and this is a big but, there is nothing optimistic or positive about CHEMO, never ever ever will I say something positive about the chemo process, I just can't because it difficult. And I almost feel like for anyone else who has gone through this I am putting them down by saying something positive about the Chemo process. IT SUCKS 110%. After the first cycle, I thought to myself, I can do this, I just need to manage my pain and mental craziness and I would be good. The physical side effects were very minimal and this time it would be easier because I know what to expect.
Well, cycle 2 kicked my butt, wait I mean is still kicking my butt. I am still nowhere near 100%, but I am at least able to sit and have a conversation without feeling nauseated or have heartburn. Lets be real here, I am in a state of confusion and questioning. The confusion comes from why I am even doing this in the first place and the questioning is do I want to continue to do this. This process has brought me to a place I do not like. A place that makes me feel like I want to throw in the towel. I never throw in the towel, I never speak of throwing in the towel. But that is all I can think about, if I give up, it will be over. And oh how I want this to be over.
I know that it will soon be over and I am going to talk to my doctor about making adjustments to my chemo plan to hopefully make this process easier. The positives that I can talk about are my amazing family and friends who have been praying and loving me through this. Everyone of you who have said one single prayer for me and my family, brought a meal, and taken care of me, you are what is making it at all possible to make it to this point. If I did not have God on my side and my amazing support system, I would have probably already thrown in the towel. Thank you everyone for your support, please keep those prayers coming because I need them, especially as I talk to the doctors this week and begin to prepare for my next treatment. I am trying to look at the bigger picture and I know that God is walking with me.
week has been a great week. I feel back to 100% and have been able to do all of my normal activities. The kids and Gregg are done with school!! YEAH!!!! Gregg and I were able to go away for the weekend, which was very nice and relaxing. I feel more prepared this time around so I am hoping that the anxiety I had during the last treatment that sent me to crazy town, will be less because I know I will come out of that. And If not, the doctor has given me some medicine to help with that. I got my blood work done today and compared it to when I started the first treatment and they are pretty much the same, so my body was able to bounce back. So with the help of the anxiety medicine I am hoping to have a similar reaction to the treatment. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. That is the only thing that is getting me through this. Knowing that I have such amazing support helps me be strong and move forward. But most importantly with God on my side all things are possible!
Well, I knew this day was coming, just did not think that it would happen this fast. Over the last few days my hair has been falling out in clumps, so I decided today was the day. Everyone told me that this day would be one of the hardest, but for me it was actually kinda fun. I secretly have always wanted to shave my head, so this kinda gave me an excuse to do it. So a few hours ago, the kids got to cut my hair which they totally enjoyed and then my hubby got the privilege of shaving my head. It was a good experience all around for the whole family. Skyler and Julieanna like it and Shyanne is still not on board with it. But at least she went along with it and I don't think It was as traumatic as I thought it would be for her. I am feeling almost back to 100% so I am hoping to have a great week in preparation for my next treatment. Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers.
Well Cycle 1 is complete, yeah!!!!! I still can't believe that I actually did it. It has taken me awhile to blog again, just because I don't know how to communicate how the last week has been. The first few days were pretty normal, but then after that, I went to crazy town. The best way I can describe it as is I felt like I was trapped inside my head. The only thing I could do was sleep and even that was hard to do because my mind was trying to work but it could not. I still needed to function, but there was just a switch that would not turn on. It was weird and lasted a few days, but I am now on the other side and feeling good. Very tired, but good. I appreciate all of the prayers, they definitely helped me get through the weekend. Now it is time to rest and get my body as back to normal as possible before my next treatment which is scheduled for May 31st. Just wanted to give everyone an update real quick, and I will blog more later, but it is time for bed!
