"I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips." Psalms 34:1
As my sister-in-law Ginger put it "buckle your seat belts". Well to say that, must mean that we have had a change in the plan. 2 weeks ago, I was told that I will probably not have to do Chemo and that my cancer was non-invasive!! Just the fact that it was non-invasive was a huge answer to prayer. Then add no chemo, it was a miracle. I praise God everyday for hearing those words on that day. It was that hope and joy that I hold onto now as I am being told that I need to do Chemo. Yes, you read that right, "I need to do Chemo." A lot has taken place over the last 2 weeks, but one thing I know for sure, God has been with me guiding my feet and thoughts. Taking me to the right doctors and preparing me for what I heard last thursday. As prepared as I thought I was to do chemo when they told me I would not have to do chemo, I realized I needed to still learn more before I could actually accept the fact that I am doing Chemo. God knows the way I think and how I needed more information before I could fully be confident in my decision. So after many opinions from a lot of different doctors, I can say 100% that I am ready to do Chemo. I mean how could I not be, I have God on my side as well as a pretty amazing support system. It is going to suck and I will have many low points, but I want to choose to focus on the high points, which are that they caught it early and only by God's grace, it is non-invasive, and treatable. A lot of people who are diagnosed with cancer do not get those words of encouragement, so I am so thankful for them and look forward to see how God is going to use this in my life to bring me closer to him.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight."
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Perspective!
When I look back on the last few months of my life, it is very hard for me to see it with a glass half-empty perspective. God has shown up in so many ways; seen and unseen in our families lives. But one way that I am 100% sure of is through family and friends. The whole time from start to now our family and friends have been there for us in every way possible. From the simplest things to taking the kids to and from school, providing meals for our family, babysitting me :), cleaning our house, and prayer. It has been humbling to watch. Thank you will never be able to really show our appreciation for everyone who has chipped in over the last few months. Your thoughtfulness and giving is not unseen by God and he will bless you for what you have given to our family. I truly feel like family and friendship for me has been taken to a whole new meaning. You know you have an awesome family and great friend when you are hanging out enjoying each others company, but when faced with a bump in the road and everyone shows up it is exactly what God intended family and friends for. As Gru says in the movie Despicable Me, I had my "light bulb" moment.
Most of you know me very well and know that it is very hard for me to give up control but God knew that in this kind of situation, I could only run to him. It was a no-brainer, I cannot fight this cancer on my own. I cannot cure myself. I know God created doctors to save our bodies, but this was so much more for me then a flesh thing. Our flesh will eventually die we all know that, and having that realization thrown in your face was a wake up call. In my searching and calling out to God I saw something inside me that is hard for me to admit, but my dependancy I then realized was 50/50. 50% on God and 50% on the fact that I had everything under control. I know that God has always been in control of 100% of my life and if you are like me you can convince yourself that you are truly giving him your 100%. I am a good person, I go to church, I try my best daily to live for Him, and all those things that make us(me) get a little too comfortable. I realize now that I never want to be comfortable again, because if I am, I am not giving God my all. God wants us to go and be His light, so that is what I am going to do. I have no clue what my path will be, but I know that God is in control always!!!
Most of you know me very well and know that it is very hard for me to give up control but God knew that in this kind of situation, I could only run to him. It was a no-brainer, I cannot fight this cancer on my own. I cannot cure myself. I know God created doctors to save our bodies, but this was so much more for me then a flesh thing. Our flesh will eventually die we all know that, and having that realization thrown in your face was a wake up call. In my searching and calling out to God I saw something inside me that is hard for me to admit, but my dependancy I then realized was 50/50. 50% on God and 50% on the fact that I had everything under control. I know that God has always been in control of 100% of my life and if you are like me you can convince yourself that you are truly giving him your 100%. I am a good person, I go to church, I try my best daily to live for Him, and all those things that make us(me) get a little too comfortable. I realize now that I never want to be comfortable again, because if I am, I am not giving God my all. God wants us to go and be His light, so that is what I am going to do. I have no clue what my path will be, but I know that God is in control always!!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
God is good!!!
As I sit here thinking about what I am about to write, I am still on cloud nine. Never would I of thought that after my surgery the doctor would be telling me this. But then again I am not surprised because of what an amazing God we serve. So without further ado…..
Today started out hoping for the best, but knowing that God had already decided what was going to take place. I knew a little bit of information from an email I received the other day about the pathology results. The people at Stanford had come back to say that the biopsy’s all came back with no invasion. Which that in itself is a miracle and a reason to praise God, but then his next sentence was, so that brings up the question of the benefits of chemo. He then said he was going to send my case to the tumor board to get their opinion on what the benefit of chemo would be. So he gave us a little hope, but because it was just a sentence of info, I tried not to think of it as anything more than what it was, a sentence of information. So today we went to the doctors with hope, but no expectation. Again, I want to celebrate just because the doctor said it was not invasive. But I knew there would still be some form of treatment. So he sat down and gave us the information that he had received and the words came out of his mouth that I never thought I would here almost in slow motion. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY NOT HAVE TO DO CHEMO!!! WHAT????? Because of the type of tumor I have there is no research out there that says chemo is beneficial. If it was invasive, chemo yes, but because of that fact most likely monitoring me closely for the next 5 yrs is the best form of treatment.
There is so much to be said, but my brain is mush! All I know is that we serve any amazing God, I am thankful for all of the prayers and support that we have received and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that it was God who has brought me to today, God who has healed me and God who is still walking this journey with me because yes, I have had success, but my journey continues and I will continue to give God all of the praise!
Bridgette Eilers
Today started out hoping for the best, but knowing that God had already decided what was going to take place. I knew a little bit of information from an email I received the other day about the pathology results. The people at Stanford had come back to say that the biopsy’s all came back with no invasion. Which that in itself is a miracle and a reason to praise God, but then his next sentence was, so that brings up the question of the benefits of chemo. He then said he was going to send my case to the tumor board to get their opinion on what the benefit of chemo would be. So he gave us a little hope, but because it was just a sentence of info, I tried not to think of it as anything more than what it was, a sentence of information. So today we went to the doctors with hope, but no expectation. Again, I want to celebrate just because the doctor said it was not invasive. But I knew there would still be some form of treatment. So he sat down and gave us the information that he had received and the words came out of his mouth that I never thought I would here almost in slow motion. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY NOT HAVE TO DO CHEMO!!! WHAT????? Because of the type of tumor I have there is no research out there that says chemo is beneficial. If it was invasive, chemo yes, but because of that fact most likely monitoring me closely for the next 5 yrs is the best form of treatment.
There is so much to be said, but my brain is mush! All I know is that we serve any amazing God, I am thankful for all of the prayers and support that we have received and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that it was God who has brought me to today, God who has healed me and God who is still walking this journey with me because yes, I have had success, but my journey continues and I will continue to give God all of the praise!
Bridgette Eilers
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Today is the day!
Dear God,
So many things running through my head this morning. In less then 6 hrs. I will be sitting in the doctors office talking to the doctor about the pathology results and what our next steps are going to be. So God as I am going over the questions to ask, give me listening ears to hear you throughout this time of wondering. I know God that you have me in your hands and am thankful for the peace that you have continued to give me. Praying for peace that no matter what the doctors say I will continue to give you glory.
Amen
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
So many things running through my head this morning. In less then 6 hrs. I will be sitting in the doctors office talking to the doctor about the pathology results and what our next steps are going to be. So God as I am going over the questions to ask, give me listening ears to hear you throughout this time of wondering. I know God that you have me in your hands and am thankful for the peace that you have continued to give me. Praying for peace that no matter what the doctors say I will continue to give you glory.
Amen
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, April 7, 2011
2nd Opinion!
I don't know why getting a 2nd opinion never entered my mind. But yesterday as I was talking to a contact at Emanuel Cancer Center, she threw that question out there. "The first thing that the social worker will probably suggest to you is that you get a 2nd opinion." My first thought is what? why? by who? and again why?
I know that lots of people get 2nd opinions, and I know it is a beneficial thing for many reasons, but for me, I just never thought about it. So since I got off the phone with her, I cannot stop thinking about it. What does a 2nd opinion mean to me?? Well the first thought is that it will prolong the start of my chemo treatment.(not okay with that) 2nd It will give the cancer more time to spread. (again, not okay with that) I really don't for see anyone telling me something that is anything different. The doctor was inside of me and examined all my guts, so it is not like my diagnosis came from a blood test or a biopsy, it came from first hand knowledge and I really am am at peace with everything that the doctor has already told me. Maybe that is the reason that a 2nd opinion did not enter my mind. My 2nd opinion is the peace that God has given me. Just knowing that God has lead me to this point and he will continue to give me the funny feelings or peace to move to the next step in this process. Just like God gives people the thoughts to question and get 2nd opinions, I feel that God has given me the opposite, I feel like he has given me the peace and faith not to question. Now if the doctor comes back and tells me something different from the diagnosis that he has already given me, I am not sure about whether I would question or not, but I know that again God will guide my footsteps.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
I know that lots of people get 2nd opinions, and I know it is a beneficial thing for many reasons, but for me, I just never thought about it. So since I got off the phone with her, I cannot stop thinking about it. What does a 2nd opinion mean to me?? Well the first thought is that it will prolong the start of my chemo treatment.(not okay with that) 2nd It will give the cancer more time to spread. (again, not okay with that) I really don't for see anyone telling me something that is anything different. The doctor was inside of me and examined all my guts, so it is not like my diagnosis came from a blood test or a biopsy, it came from first hand knowledge and I really am am at peace with everything that the doctor has already told me. Maybe that is the reason that a 2nd opinion did not enter my mind. My 2nd opinion is the peace that God has given me. Just knowing that God has lead me to this point and he will continue to give me the funny feelings or peace to move to the next step in this process. Just like God gives people the thoughts to question and get 2nd opinions, I feel that God has given me the opposite, I feel like he has given me the peace and faith not to question. Now if the doctor comes back and tells me something different from the diagnosis that he has already given me, I am not sure about whether I would question or not, but I know that again God will guide my footsteps.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
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